Medley
by HerHeadsInTheSky
Summary: Thirty short stories on Lily and James. Rated T for safety.
1. Amortentia

**A/N After the tragic events of yesterday (The anniversary of their death – thirty years. _Sob_), I wanted some Lily/James comfort. And then I decided why write one story when I could write thirty? So every. Single. Day. Of this month will have a new (unconnected) drabble about them. The first 26 are the Alphabet. Review and I promise to always smell you in Amortentia ;)**

In fifth year, Professor Slughorn brewed a particularly potent batch of Amortentia. Lily thought it was a bit of a scam, really. They'd never be allowed to brew it; he was hyping up what was actually a much more boring class.

Nevertheless, she was… curious. If Amortentia really _did _smell like what attracted you, then wasn't now the perfect time to find out what it was? She could tell by a simple whiff of Amos Diggory if she really did want to go to Hogsmeade with him.

Or maybe she just wanted to smell it, for Merlin's sake. No, that couldn't be it. Lily was above this stuff (except, she was also a teenage girl, and wasn't really).

Tentatively, she walked up to the cauldron with the few other students who were having doubts. Surprisingly, James Potter was one of them. She caught his eye, and winked at her as he stepped forward and deliberately sniffed. His eyes closed, and that was the final straw. If _he _could do it, she could too.

Lily walked up, and inhaled deeply. She smelt freshly baked bread, and her perfume, new parchment, worn leather, and pumpkin pasties.

Pumpkin pasties and perfume were easy to figure out – she'd eaten pasties on the train when she first came to Hogwarts. To her, they represented the start of everything magical. Lily's perfume did the opposite. As well as smelling amazing (in Lily's eyes, at least), her perfume reminded her of home. Of life in the muggle world. Together, they made her who she was.

New parchment and fresh bread were equally simple. They reminded her of home, and of starting over; of clean slates and comfort. When she and Sev had fallen out, she'd bought a load of parchment and sat in the kitchen while her mother baked, writing endless angsty letters she never intended to send. She'd healed in that kitchen. Just smelling a new sheet bought back warm memories.

Worn leather, however, she couldn't place. She didn't own anything remotely leathery.

Confused, Lily sat down with a grimace. Amortentia didn't make any sense.

* * *

><p>Amortentia. One whiff and bam! Everything that attracted you became as clear as daylight.<p>

_Worth __a __shot, _James thought wryly.

He pushed his way up to the front and saw Lily hanging back, biting her lip and altogether looking very nervous. James winked at her, then breathed in.

He smelt _Quidditch_– rain, mud, the faint smell of sweat and determination, and the worn leather of his gloves. He smelt ink and parchment, the posh ones his parents used, the smell of a new letter from home. He smelt magic - that tang a particularly complicated spell leaves in the air. The acrid smell that lingered after an animagi transformation, for instance.

James also smelt perfume. Not regular perfume, or one that he recognised by name, but _Lily__'__s _perfume. The one she wore on Christmas, and visits to Hogsmeade, and her birthday. He associated the smell with her smile.

Satisfied, James went and sat down with a smirk. Amortentia made perfect sense to him.


	2. Baby Clothes

Baby Clothes. That's what Lily saw when she dreamed.

Little mittens, tiny-shirts, and those all in one baby suits with the teensy popper buttons. They were everywhere! It was her dorm, the red and gold room she shared with the other seventh year girls, but all over the floor were baby clothes. In her dream, she'd run to her wardrobe, and piles of baby clothes had smothered her as they tumbled out of her normally tidy clothes space.

It was very surreal; especially considering that everything else would have been normal, if it weren't swaddled in piles of miniscule garments.

She woke with a start, in her very normal dormitory. The ordinary room didn't hold a trace of _any_ clothes, save Izzy's school uniform she'd chucked on the floor the night before. The clock read six thirty, am. It was also a Saturday.

Her head thumped on the pillow as she lay back and rubbed her eyes. The others wouldn't be up for hours, and normally she would wait and go down to breakfast with them at around nine. Today though, all she wanted to do was get out of this room and leave all thoughts of baby clothes far behind. She dressed hurriedly, slung a scarf round her shoulders and was almost out the door when she thought of taking her Divination book with her. That had stuff on dreams, she was sure. She could work on her inner eye before breakfast. Her stomach rumbled. Pfft. Inner eyes and toast worked together, right? Grabbing the book, she walked out of her dorm and quickly flicked to the section on dreams.

'B.. b.. b..' she muttered, eyes decidedly _on_ the page, and not the stairs. A sucking noise snapped her out of her reverie.

Fabulous. Lily's leg was stuck in the trick staircase, and nobody was awake to get her out. _It__'__s_ _going_ _to_ _be_ _a_ _long_ _morning,_ she thought with a sigh. Ignoring her trapped calf for the moment, she glanced back down at the book.

'_To_ _see_ _baby_ _clothes_ _in_ _your_ _dream_ _suggests_ _that_ _you_ _are_ _expressing_ _yourself_ _in_ _a_ _more_ _subtle_ _way._ _Alternatively,_ _baby_ _clothes_ _represent_ _your_ _former_ _ways_ _of_ _thinking_ _or_ _old_ _habits_ _which_ _you_ _have_ _outgrown.__'_

Lily was sure that her favourite part of Divination was the sense of certainty you got after every reading. Oh, wait. She grimaced, and tried to think what it meant as she waited for somebody to walk past.

She'd worn her hair down last week – wasn't that a subtle difference in self-expression? Eurgh. Early mornings led to insanity, obviously. Divination and dreams were a load of old crock.

She'd moved on to contemplating what former ways of thinking she could have outgrown by the time a shadow fell across her. She almost screamed her relief out loud.

'Need a hand?' the shadow offered, the fingers in question wiggling at her.

She smiled at the owner of the hand, before taking it and swinging her way out of the step.

'Thanks James.' She laughed, as she rotated her ankle and felt tingly, tickling needles shoot through her leg.

He laughed too, though more out of amusement than shared relief. 'Lily, what are you _doing?__'_

'I fancied a spot of inner eye work before breakfast, but it's been sealed shut. Divination is waste of time, by the way.' Her words mingled with their footsteps and his chuckle as they made their way down the stairs.

Later, as she finished her toast opposite James, Lily finally dropped the subject of her dream. _Baby_ _clothes,__shmaby_ _clothes,_ she thought to herself.


	3. Charms

He thought he loved her best when she did Charms.

Her eyes would flash with pure concentration, and she'd screw up her nose when she got it wrong. The she'd blow her fiery red hair off of her forehead, settle her face into one of grim determination, and try again.

She got it wrong less and less now, though. Her wand would fly through the air, tracing patterns only she could see with astonishing speed. A swish and flick later, and her opponent would be down, so she'd allow herself a small smile of victory before helping them up.

Well, she _had_ helped them up. When it was just empty practicing in Flitwick's classroom, or training against the Order with no malicious intent. Now she fought to put them down and keep them so – it was real fighting in a real war.

Once, early on in a battle, they'd stood side by side. He was fighting hard, breath coming in short pants, a thin trickle of sweat working its way down his spine, but when he'd looked at her and seen dark figures pushing her back, he no longer cared about his own fight. He had to help her. James had jumped in then, cutting her off at every turn. She'd glowered at him, and furiously tried to move his ever-present arm that blocked her from moving. She didn't understand that he was really just saving himself; any damage done to her was a million times worse than if it were done to him.

Eventually, she succeeded in shoving him out of the way, and her pent up rage was evident as she dispatched _three_ death-eaters with a few neat flicks. He tried to smile at her, but her deep frown cut him off, before she joined the fray once more. After that, he didn't worry about her as much. She could hold her own.

Still… every so often his eyes would flick to her lithe figure, dancing amongst the crowd, a little trail of fallen bodies following her every move. As he watched her, a smirk carved it's way along his mouth, widening with each passing second. In that moment James decided that was how he loved his wife best.

She was _his_Lily when she did Charms.

**A/N: I re-wrote 'Birthday' as 'Baby-Clothes'… feel free to review it again **


	4. Deluded

Lily hadn't thought much about it when she and James had a huge fight in sixth year. He was _James_, after all. Spars were part of their relationship.

Still, he'd seemed… different during the few weeks after it. Depressed. In Lily's opinion, this too was nothing special. They argued constantly, sure, but rarely of this magnitude. It wasn't even vaguely surprising that he was upset about it – he usually was. She _had_ been particularly scathing this time – although he'd been just as bad back. She honestly didn't care about his mood, she was still angry, so she'd still show it. Her catty comments barely made him wince anymore – it was like he hadn't heard.

A tense atmosphere emerged between them for about a month. They hardly even interacted, though Lily had no qualms about yelling at him for the slightest thing, he didn't take the bait. Sometimes, Sirius would.

'Just leave him _alone_, Lily. He doesn't need your bullshit right now.'

Also unremarkable.

Still, she did leave him alone a bit more after that. She figured she'd hurt him enough to finally be free of his incessant chasing of her. After a while – a few months, Lily wasn't quite sure – he was back to, well, not normal exactly, but more upbeat. Smiling again. He was even a bit more mature, and she was pleased to note that every single sentence in her presence wasn't him asking her out again. She just assumed it was because of her.

She was deluded. So, so deluded.

James told her, a few years later when they were getting serious, that his Mother had died.

'Oh Merlin, James, I'm so sorry.' She ached for him in that moment – her face subconsciously mimicking his of utter heartbreak. 'When?'

'The beginning of sixth year. I don't really remember it much if I'm honest – I felt like I was my own shadow for six weeks. I felt so futile. Sirius snapped me out of it, shockingly. He told me I was killing myself over it, and it was wrong. I had to live _for_ her, not die with her. I think that's when I decided I wanted to be an auror above all else.' He smiled sadly, before nudging me with his foot. 'It's okay now.'

It hit Lily like a ton of bricks. She opened her mouth to say… well, _anything_, but the words wouldn't come.

'Sixth year?' She paled. 'But I-I was such a … _bitch_ to you then! _That__'__s_ why you were so upset? Oh Merlin—James, I'm—God, I'm so, so—'

He grimaced, twisting his lips as if her words had left a bad taste in his mouth. 'I swear to Godric Lil, if you apologise I _will_ kill you. You didn't know. It's not your fault. I kind of appreciated your normalcy if I'm honest.'

She'd shut up then, his eyes warning her off so much more than his words. God. All this time she'd thought it was because of her. Lily felt sick with herself. She was so selfish, so arrogant! _Of__course_James had problems outside of her, school, the marauders. Merlin knows she did, why should James be any different? He had a life outside chasing a stubborn redhead. Why hadn't she even _considered_ this before?

Fuck. She was so deluded.

**A/N *Runs and hides* don't kill me! My sister's moving to Hong Kong and I forgot to post these. Here they are now, though!**

**And if you're an invisible reader or an alerter/favouriter but haven't reviewed (and there's _loads_ of you), do me a favour and just type three words for a review. Try and do a three word review. **

**I dare you!**


	5. Excellent

**A/N: Sirius angst still counts as Lily and James, right? (Right.)**

When James decided Lily was going to marry him in fourth year, Sirius said excellent.

When he finally got a date with her in sixth, he was told it was excellent.

When they became an item, that was excellent.

When Lily and James their upcoming wedding, that was excellent too.

When Lily got pregnant, and they moved in to Godric's Hollow, everything was bloody excellent.

Except it wasn't. Nothing was fucking _excellent_about James abandoning him.

James was _Sirius__' _best mate mate – brother, confidant, friend, even _saviour_ at times.

But now he was also Lily's.

It wasn't that he fancied James – Christ, he wasn't _gay_ – but James had always… belonged to Sirius. They were there for each other always, knew each other inside out and outside in. They finished each other's sentences. They were Marauders together, partners in crime. Hell, they even _lived_ together full time after fifth year. James was his _family._

He'd never admit it, but it hurt when James went on to start his own, casting of Sirius like an old dog. He was scared that if he made James choose, he wouldn't win.

So Sirius kept quiet, and said everything was excellent, and smiled and laughed as if everything was _fucking__excellent._

Except… it never would be. Not for Sirius.


	6. Flirting

Before they were friends, they were enemies. Or rather, _he_ was her 'enemy', just as _she_ was the 'love of his life'. Lily couldn't stand his constant flirting.

If she was in the library, she wasn't left alone.

'_Evans,_ _it__'__s_ _a_ _good_ _thing_ _I_ _bought_ _my_ _library_ _card,_ _because_ _I_ _am_ _checking_ _you_ _out.__'_

'_I__'__d_ _shelve_ _that_ _idea_ _if_ _I_ _were_ _you.__'_

The partnered exercises in Divination were a disaster.

'_Your_ _tea_ _leaves_ _read_ _as_ _ '__James_ _Potter__'_ _..._ _I__'__d_ _say_ _your_ _future_ _is_ _clear.__'_

'_Hopefully_ _it__'__s_ _clear_ _of_ you.'

She was even bothered at breakfast.

'_If_ _I_ _could_ _rearrange_ _the_ _alphabet, __I__'__d_ _put_ _you_ _and_ _I_ _together.__' _

'_I like it the way it is, with N and O together.'_

And then Lily Evans would smirk, quietly pack her bag and leave with a half-smile. It drove him crazy. She would later claim that it drove her crazy too; but she loved it. She never _really_ hurt him, and their love-hate relationship was mostly teasing. He may have been an arrogant, misguided jerk, but even arrogant, misguided jerks have feelings, and Lily couldn't condone hurting his.

(And really, she just liked the flirting).

**A/N: I think this is my fave yet. Review?**


	7. Girl

**A/N: I should have twenty stories out; I have seven. I can only apologise profusely. Poop hit the fan here and ahh every things crazy and I may die but here is chapter seven. sorry about the wait!**

A girl.

James had always imagined he'd have a little baby girl.

It's not that he had anything against boys (he didn't - being one himself), but whenever he thought about the future and children and all the stuff he tried to avoid, he saw a tiny baby girl cradled in his arms.

When he and Lily started dating, she'd taken a form - red hair, hazel eyes, Lily's nose and a cheeky grin. It wasn't that he thought about her in detail, but whenever anyone mentioned marriage and commitment, the image of their baby sort of edged it's way into his mind.

It was always a girl.

* * *

><p>Her head was sweaty, crimson hair plastered to her scarlet face, her expression wild as she gripped James' hand and looked him flush in the eyes.<p>

"You _will. Not. Let. Go. _Okay?"

"Pinky promise."

A groan. "James-"

"Relax Lil, I was joking. I'm here for however long it takes to get little Petunia Junior into the world."

"We are _not_ calling our baby that!"

"Yeah, yeah, we agreed on Alice."

"Thank-you." She clenched his fingers again, a hiss escaping her. "Oh Merlin, this is awful."

His hand reached up automatically to stroke her steaming skin.

"I know Lil. I'm here."

* * *

><p>"It's a <em>boy!<em>"

James grinned at Sirius as he waltzed into the living room of the house he shared with his wife.

"I know."

"But you said it would be called _Alice! _I sincerely hope you changed your mind because otherwise you may just introduce your son as the school punching bag."

He laughed, but only a little. He'd been worrying about Lily's name suggestions too. Delirium was nobody's friend, apparently.

"We like Alice. He can grow into it." James smiled, as he played with the baby's tiny hands.

"I like Sirius. He could grow into that, too."

James laughed loudly then. "I wanted to mate, but Lil was having none of it. Luckily I talked her out of Xander though."

Sirius shuddered.

"So what is the marauder-in-making then? Anonymous?"

An affectionate smile appeared on James as he looked down at his new baby, who was definitely not a girl.

"He's Harry. Harry Potter."


	8. Hatred

_Muggle Studies Homework - 16th October_

_Write 14 inches describing the way Muggles deal with strong emotions, such as joy, love, hatred or depression, without the use of magic. Evaluate the importance of putting aside your wand in the face of such emotions, and discuss the practicality of imitating this muggle lifestyle. _

_Note: It should be taken into account that as Muggles possess no magical talent, there are no adverse spell casting effects in times of great hardship and/or no flamboyant side effects (such as sparking around the ears) in times of celebration._

Let me get one thing straight: I do not hate as a matter of principle. I dislike, sure, but hate? It's not my cup of tea.

It's just that my dislike is the equivalent of anyone else's hate. That's not my fault. Really, it isn't. My dislike can be strong, for example I really _really _dislike war, cancer, famine, James Potter, You-Know-Who... and sure, put writing this essay on that list too, but I can't _hate _these things.

I want to, at times, but I can't. You don't judge someone else unless you walk a mile in their shoes, and at present my desire to slip on the Dark Lords penny loafers is a little lacklustre to say the least. I decided years ago that hate just wasn't my thing.

Unfortunately for me, thatmeant fights _were. _You can't blame me; honestly, how else was I meant to get my pent up hat-_dislike_ off of my chest? Sometimes I blew up. Sue me.

My temper has always been, ahem, temperamental, and anyone who's ever dealt with me knows not to mess with me because of it. It's never really concerned me - I think that if you have no enemies, your probably have the same problem with friends. Therefore, don't set out to dislike anyone, just don't do anything to avoid it. It's simple logic, really.

By that same token of logic then, don't keep secrets or be careful when you talk. Be outspoken, have opinions, and just pray to Merlin that they're taken in the right way. You have to know who you are; know what you're capable of and what you're going to say, and then say it. Don't be afraid!Be hated by many, loved by few, known by all, and happy with yourself. I_t just __makes sense._

So as long as we're talking about logic, and taking account of the fact that I myself am Muggleborn, the way I fight with James is logical and not an immature act of blind hatred. Everyone always accuses me of not giving him a chance, but really I'm not _not_ giving him one. I don't hate him, do I? I didn't have any preconceptions before I met him, did I? Has he ever shown another side to him that would make like him? No, no and no again.

While it's true that I don't exactly want James to be nice to me (after all, it saves me the trouble of liking him and having to endure his exhausting ways), I don't feel that I'm a 'cold-hearted, malignant bitch who should just stay away him'.

I mean, I know that releasing the truth of how Sirius really feels about me is meant to set me free and all, but it's pissed me off first. But I can't hate him for it, which is just _annoying._

I can however, ignore him. Hating is easy, blanking someone takes determination! He shall be stricken from the records of my mind. And James. And Remus for that matter!

'Listen to reason, will you? Just hear him out.' Pfft. Listen to reason indeed. Doesn't Remus understand that I _dislike _listening to reason? It means I have to listen to what other people say. Other people being James Potter. Who just happens to be throwing paper at my head. Which may or may not be notes. I wouldn't know, I'm ignoring them after all. Because I'm writing my essay on hatred like a good student.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Shhh, just review. Or don't shh, just review. Because non-silence is needed for a review.**

**Note to self: I make no sense. **

**Also this is dedicated to CasuallyConcerned who has reviewed every single chapter and sends great emails :)**


	9. Inferiority

__"You want me to _read, _Professor? To the _class?_"

To put it politely, James was astonished. He'd never been certain Binns actually knew there were other people in the room when he taught.

And that's how today's lesson had started; unusually. Professor Binns never asked anyone to read out loud. Normally, he'd have been glad to end the dull monotony of Binn's flat voice, but today he just kept mucking up.

Darn Lily. He was a fab reader, really he was, but she had her face pressed near Amos', and kept laughing at his probably-not-funny jokes, and it kept making him cock up. Which was just annoying and not funny. At all.

(It's not that he minded making mistakes, it was making mistakes while everyone was watching that really bugged him.)

James decided he just need to better Amos. Put a bit of life into his reading. Yeah, that'd show her - who needs probably-not-funny when you can have brilliantly-dramatic-reader? Pfft. Amos was so inferior James almost felt bad for him, just because James was such a nice guy and all.

But a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, nice man or not.

He was a tortured soul, he really was.

With that in mind, James started jazzing up his act. Bodrick the Brave was no longer empty words, because BAM! James put action into their hollow souls. Getting over-excited, he leapt up on the table and started reciting Bodrick's tale of woe like the adventure it was. It was _excellent._

The whole class stared at him, open mouthed, as he leaped from desk to desk, voice rising and falling with superb intensity. Even Lily and Amos had stopped laughing at probably-not-funny-jokes to watch him, and James mentally chalked it up to his fab reading and dazzling good looks. Lily looked as if she would almost-definitely prefer a brilliantly-dramatic-reader.

Baddabing Baddaboom, another success in the face of clearly-inferior-Amos.

He was just about to launch into Freda the Fearless when Binn's watery voice stopped him.

Curses!

That had been brilliant, not boring at all! It had just been getting good when he was cock-blocked by a ghost.

"Err, thank-you James, that was... wonderful. How about we have someone else for Freda? Amos, perhaps?" He heard the crowd groan with disappointment - or at least thought he did, which was practically the same.

Amos cleared his throat and stood up with a nasty look at James, who was still on the table. James almost laughed at his woefully inferior rage face.

Honestly, Amos shouldn't hate James because he was clearly more talented, he should hate him because... well, okay, he should hate him because he was clearly more talented. And a brilliantly-dramatic-reader who was really funny and handsome to boot.

Amos' reading was nearly as bad as their long dead teacher. He just wouldn't take any chances with his reading; the dreadful steadiness of his voice was so utterly _boring_ that James honestly considered hexing Sarah Conrad (whose table he was now sat on) just for something to do.

Then James got it. Amos was misunderstood. In the minds of the people, James and Amos were both pretty popular, similar-ish guys (even if James' was generally thought to be funnier, handsomer, kinder, cleverer and just generally more awesome), but in reality, they were so different.

_Amos_ was boring. _James _was a brilliantly-dramatic-reader. You could just tell by everyone's faces as they watched Amos read. Sure, they looked a little less confused, but definitely not as interested, and that's what counted. James had won.

It was just popular consensus and Amos shouldn't feel bad about his inferior status, because in James' eyes it couldn't be helped. That was simply _life._

The end of the lesson was just as unusual as the start; James left of History of Magic with a huge grin on his face.

He needn't worry about probably-not-funny-probably-very-boring Lamos, because Lily would almost-definitely prefer his brilliantly-dramatic reading skills in the long run.

He just had to wait for her to realise it.


	10. Jelly

**Disclaimer: Potentially disturbing thoughts are expressed about ED. If you're in recovery for ana/mia, don't read!**

"Eat the jelly Lily. It's not going to kill you."

I looked at it, wobbling around on the plate in front of me in all it's blood red garishness, and I couldn't do it. It was just a tiny bit of jelly and _I couldn't fucking do it._

Sometimes I'm so pathetic I hate myself.

* * *

><p>I think I'm anorexic.<p>

Not in a bad way, not in a way that's like 'omg, I need help, nobody cares, somebody listen.'

But in a way that I needed to lose weight, and so I started restricting. Nothing major at first, just a cut back on the calories.

Today I only had 150 of them, and it wasn't even bad. I didn't, _don't, _regret it. I was huge; cellulite wobbled when I raised my arm, thighs shook when I walked down the corridor... in short I was disgusting.

Fat.

It progressed to almost an obsession. I had to do well in school, I had to be a role model, I had to be _thin. _I'd start counting things - anything - so that when I locked myself in the prefects desire I could do 6 minutes of ab crunching (the amount of couples I sent back one night after patrol), or 104 squats (my latest potions mark). I'd do it so I could _burn_ - my sweat was just the fat losing it's battle to claim my body.

Then I'd bathe. Just float in the enormous bath tub, hating how much space I took up.

Eventually, I reached my target goal.

105 pounds, with muscle tone. This was it.

I was _skinny. _Me. _Lily Evans. _Slender.

I didn't stop restricting though. My motivation was now not the desire to lose weight, but the habit of my tight regime. Each bite became difficult. I dropped to 80. Some people live to eat, but I was eating to _survive._

He caught on to my act in the end.

_"Eat the jelly Lily. It's not going to kill you."_

I was scared. I would lash out when he saw me at dinner, or made fleeting comments about weight. James was the only one who really saw me disappear. I needed control, but if he knew what I was, what I'd done to get myself here... he'd have all the power. It terrified me.

Just not as much as the food.

_'I'm allergic to gelatin.'_

James sighed, looked at Sirius, before frowning at me, but didn't push the issue.

I'd never been so grateful.

* * *

><p>I started finding little notes in my bag after that - tiny scraps of parchment with inspirational messages.<p>

_'You are truly beautiful. I just wanted to let you know.'_

_'Eat, or tomorrow you won't be here to have that choice. You're gorgeous.'_

_'Which is more fun, a bouncy castle or a rake? Enjoy lunch today.'_

On and on and on they went, little notes designed to guilt trip me into not making up excuses and actually facing a plate. Sometimes it even worked.

My feather-weight isolation was disintegrating, and hollows began to fill themselves in again. My tights no longer had to be charmed to stay up, flimsy pools of material no longer gave me premature ankle wrinkles.

As my weight increased, so did the notes.

_'You are incredible, keep going.'_

__'That's it. Just a little more.'__

_'You make eating rice look good. Keep it up.'_

It didn't take a genius to figure out who was sending them, but apparently it did take someone far cleverer than I am to realise they had to.

I think James saved my life with those notes.

(But I still can't face jelly.)

* * *

><p><strong>AN: this is highly personal to me. Sorry it's such a downer! I needed to balance out last times disastrous fluff.**

**However, it is dark, and I really adore reviews. (Especially if they're from Ran - an anonymous who left me such a beautiful message to 'Love' that I nearly cried. If you read this, just marry me now Ran. Siriusly, you're amazing.)**


	11. Kaleidoscope

Looking back, she'd realise her flirtationship with his faults wasn't really that kaleidoscopic; it never changed, merely stemmed itself in secrecy and bloomed in public, although it didn't seem like it in the beginning.

The first time she'd seen him was in the middle of the great hall, hundreds of students swelling around her. His face was perfect; shiny eyes winking out behind round glasses, cheeky grin that was confident yet calm, coal black hair that looked stylishly dishevelled. Even the sorting hat (a mangy old thing by anybodies standards) suited him.

She looked at him, singled out from the crowd, and had the insane urge to tidy him up. Fix his rumpled shirt collar. Straighten his slightly crooked tie. Run her fingers through his hair to make it lie flat. She _looked_ at him in that moment, a perfectly unperfect student. Lily Jane Evans was nothing if not obsessed with order. Later she would realise, as he went to sit at the table of red and gold badged students (bravery the predominant trait, she noted), that it wasn't his singularity amongst the crowd during the sorting that made her look. It was _him._

She kept looking, days bleeding into weeks, weeks into years. She'd never allow herself to sit in with the marauders, but she'd sneak into a neglected nearby seat and listen anyway. She soaked up their adventures like she did the magic; fascinated, enthralled, utterly absorbed... and more than a little wary. Lily's life was entwined with magic, sure, but they _lived_ it - breathing magic as other children did oxygen. It was compelling and terrifying, both.

He was her guilty obsession; an addiction she'd never admit she had. She'd continue to live her inane life, complete with private good-girl parties, freshly ironed clothes and permanently done prep. Who needed adventure when you had someone to live vicariously through? A seemingly oblivious mask hid her private fantasy that she was one bad decision away from a good time, but she'd never tell.

As she got older, her Professor's exclusive parties switched from the bane of her existence to her favourite part of it; the Slug Club's salacious gossip flew around the room faster than a golden snitch, and she practically marinated in the tales about the marauders. "Did you hear?" they'd whisper, honeyed tongues belaying whispered secrets in scandalised tones. Lily would shake her head and lean closer; even if she had nothing bad to say it didn't mean she couldn't listen to those who did.

"They stole Filch's detention slips and stuck one on McGonagall's door." She would blink, unimpressed, before they'd drop their decibels to a record breaking low. "It read 'You're a bad, bad girl who needs to be _punished_.' Filch is furious, but he can't prove anything..."

Sometimes the gossip was specific, revolving around 'The Black Heir' or 'James _Potter_' - subtle hints at their impressive inheritance. Mostly, it was about girls. "He's found himself another girlfriend. I can't keep track!" They'd laugh hysterically, big smiles adorning their wishful delusions of being the next one to seduce the boy in question. It made her sick, the pregnant silence that followed their tales as they condemned and envied the marauders in the space of a single breath, but she didn't stop listening.

And yet... over time, the whispers reached her ears less and less, stolen rumours begged attention from other's minds, not Lily's. It wasn't that she avoided the gossip, merely the students spreading it.

But as it didn't reach her, it began to include her instead. She never asked for trouble, trouble was for those far more brazen than herself. Trouble was perfectly unperfect boys, boys she still itched to organise.

Therein lay the problem. Her relationship with 'trouble' began when she partnered with him in Potions; and she starting caring more about the organisation than caring about what she was organising him _for. _The project ended but her interference didn't, and thus neither did the rumours. Lily had miscalculated. Her unblemished record was a hinderance rather than an asset; false claims begged to blot her reputation. Organising James was a mistake... but some mistakes are too fun to only make once, she'd argue, and so trouble became part of her routine. She changed her whole life just to incorporate it.

Or had she? Her kaleidoscope cleared and she saw herself plainly. To be out of trouble's sight was to play in the garden of danger, and Lily wasn't all too fond of jeopardy. It was difficult admitting it, but she'd needed to organise him just as much as he'd needed to be organised. How could it have been any other way?

And if it didn't work out, there would never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain.

It takes two to get one in trouble, after all.

**A/N: Originally titled 'Trouble', I changed it to Kaleidoscope because K is a challenging letter.**

_Also, Ran, there's always adoption! Just think about it ;)_

oh oh oh and I got a tumblr! It's for all the people who have PM'd me asking about 'Jelly'. Do it anonymously now, yay! Link on profile :)


	12. Laughter

'Sometimes, despite all the warnings, you have to seize the moment. Or whatever else you can grab.' James' voice sang into my ear.

He was close, too close, and I was mad. Or at least I thought I was, until he leaned away and I saw what he'd sidled up to get.

It was a book. A leather book, probably a diary. One that looked suspiciously like -

'Hey! Give that back to me!' I yelled, ignoring Madam Pince's look of loathing she sent my way. Nevertheless, I turned my shrieks into whispers. 'I swear to Merlin, James, if you don't give that back to me I'll-'

He laughed at my attempts to grab it, and he held it out of my reach a moment longer, before voice turned mocking in reply. 'You'll...?'

'I'll- I'll- I'll blackmail you. I swear I will.' My face was contorted into the angriest glare it could muster.

'With _what_?' James was trying so hard to laugh right now, but his quiet voice matched mine.

'What do you mean, _with what?_ Isn't blackmail alone bad enough?' I had nothing, and he knew it, but I was angry. My brain can't make sense always, okay?

He was almost doubled over now, wheezing and coughing at my futile attempts to argue with him. I snatched my diary out of his hands, ignoring the spluttering sounds of his amusement at my feet.

'This is _private_, James. As in, I'm the only one who gets to read it. Or touch it. Or even_ look_ at it. Understand?'

He nodded, but he was still laughing. Madam Pince was getting angstier by the second. She looked as if she was going to march over here any second to stop James' idiotic laughing. Time to leave. I started packing my back, getting ready to abandon the imbecile who was still on the floor.

'You're a pig.' I muttered. 'A good-for-nothing, arrogant _pig._'

James was still trying to stop his giggles, but his eyes were bright with suppressed laughter behind his glasses.

'Ahh, Lily,' He said, condescension ripe in his tone. 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'

He started to stand up, finally in control of his hysterics. I narrowed my eyes, grabbed my bag, and sent a big pile of books tumbling onto his head, before almost sprinting to the door to avoid the wrath of Pince.

'Sticks and stones it is then!' I called cheerfully over my shoulder.

I think I heard him swear. The thought made me smile.****

**A/N: I know, I know, it's been ages. Please use words (as in the review button just down there!) to hurt me, and not send lots of rocks at my head. There's only so much a girl can take!**

**Oh and shout out to Souhait, who reviewed three times - short but sweet :)**


	13. Mates

It took a little while before either of them realised they were kinda, sorta, maybe best mates, and even then they didn't _really _notice until it was much too late to do anything about it.

It was all in the little things.

* * *

><p>'Eurgh, Merlin, the queues are massive.' Lily groaned to the two girls standing next to her outside of Honeydukes.<p>

'We could split up?' Mary suggested, eyeing the swarm of students in the sweet shop with trepidation. 'One of us could go ahead and grab a table in the Broomsticks, while the others can fill up our supplies in here?'

For a second, Lily almost felt like it was a good idea, until Emma piped up impatiently.

'No, no, it'd never work. We need at least two of us to snag a table and get the drinks, and being alone in there,' - she tilted her head towards the heaving shop - 'right now would be a nightmare.'

Lily sighed. Emma was right - three friends were simply not enough. Not if they wanted to do both. 'I guess you're right. We may just have to queue twice.'

The two Gryffindors nodded with slight grimaces, and the three girls shuffled forward into the long queue feeling rather put out. Emma's face had twisted into a frown.

'This is bullshit.' she murmured, as she kicked the snow lying haphazardly on the floor.

'Emmaline Vance, what is with this _language_?' a voice interrupted.

Lily rolled her eyes when she realised the voice had a body, and the body belonged to Sirius Black. His friends, the self-proclaimed 'awesome foursome' just grinned sheepishly behind him, arms laden with Zonko's bags. The prefect in Lily felt a bit annoyed, but the rest of her was glad. It had been too long since the Marauders pulled anything. The castle seemed wrong without their mischief somehow. Emma was less impressed by their haul.

'Bog off, Gryffin-whore.' she snarled, glaring at Sirius while Mary snorted behind her. 'If I must wait, please Merlin let it not be with _you_.'

He just grinned at her nonchalantly, which seemed to just make her angrier.

'I quite agree.' chirped James, stepping beside his friend with a matching smirk. 'Which is why we propose a a bit of teamwork, if you can handle it.' He winked at the girls. Lily nearly blushed.

'What did you have in mind?' Mary's voice was dubious, less willing to accept whatever they suggested after a mere _wink_.

'We buy the sweets, you grab us all a table, everyone is happy. It really is a win-win situation.'

The girls paused to consider this. The queues really were long, and sharing a table with the Marauders really wouldn't be too bad. Emma seemed mollified, at least, and Mary just shrugged at Lily's questioning glance.

She nodded at them. 'Okay.'

Conveniently forgetting her previous irritation, Emma turned immediately to the closest boy - Sirius - and started rattling off her mammoth list, which included (_eurgh_) cockroach clusters. Mary was more relaxed, casually giving Remus a brief summary of what she liked. With the other boys engaged, and Peter being Peter, Lily turned to James, who had somehow wound up right next to her.

'I want-' she started, but James cut her off.

'Some Drooble's gum, Bertie Bott's beans, and as many sugar quills as I can carry. You wouldn't say no to a few fizzing whizzbees either.' His voice was confident, but not _too_ confident, and it sounded so incredibly _lovely _that Lily actually beamed at him.

'And you'll have a mug of _hot _butterbeer, but I'll have to tell Madam Rosmerta that it's for you, otherwise she'll make it all wrong. I'll get the corner table if it's free, but if it's not, the one by the painting of Boderick the Brave is your second favourite spot. Did I miss anything?' It was her turn to be smug, and his to smile in surprise at her.

'Nope.' he laughed, popping the p. 'You're just right.'

They were both still grinning at each other like idiots a second later when Mary coughed. Neither had noticed that everyone else had finished talking.

'Ready to go, Lils?' Her voice sounded suspiciously even. Lily actually _did _blush a bit then.

'Of course.' she mumbled, starting towards her friends after a small wave at the boys. Emma looked irritated at the wait. Oops.

That didn't stop her from turning back when she heard his voice calling her though. James almost laughed at her expression as they made eye contact again. 'Lily!' he shouted above the crowd, 'Have I ever told you how much I love you?'

Once, that would've made her angry, nut now she just frowned and shook her head, wiping away mock tears from her face. 'Not since yesterday!' she yelled.

His mouth dropped in pseudo-outrage as she began to walk away once more. 'I love you more than butterbeer!' he bellowed, straining to be heard as she lost sight of him.

Lily smiled at her friends antics.

Yes, it was all in the little things.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: bit different this time! I figure all lasting relationships start with friendships, so why not Lily and James? This would be around 7th year I guess, when they were friends for the first time.**

**Join my review crew for oodles of love - I could use some comments now! My sister fell out of a window and broke both ankles and her wrist; I've spent three days in hospital with her. She's adorable and I love her so much; it's been awful watching her cry because they wouldn't let her out! All reviews make my day and they take two seconds! I seriously love you all, especially Australians by the way! Boy, there's a lot of you.**

**Okay, now I'm shutting up. Until next time!**


	14. Never

'Evans!'

'What are _you_ doing here, Potter? This is a rehearsal for Prefects _only.'_

'Moony's sick. I bravely volunteered to fill his dancing shoes, for the sake of Gryffindor.'

'For Gryffindor. Of course.'

'I couldn't leave one half of the team under-practised could I? The Valentines Ball _needs _this, Lily. It is a necessary, chivalrous thing I am doing. Besides, I'm a much better teacher than Lupin anyway.'

'Eurgh! _Fine. _For Gryffindor. But just because I'm dancing with you doesn't mean I like you. I _hate_ you, Potter. Just so we're clear.'

'You say hate, I say unresolved sexual tension. But hey! Whatever floats your boat, my dear.'

'I never thought I'd be glad to dance with you Potter, and I was right.'

'You can deny it all you want but dancing like this is definitely a form of floor play.'

'Ha, ha, _ha. _You should toss out more of those oh-so-witty remarks more often.'

'Really?'

'Yes - that's all they're good for.'

'Ouch Evans. I was _joking_.'

'It wasn't funny.'

'You're right. It was hilarious.'

…

'Hey, Amos!'

'Evans, what _are _you doing? For Gryffindor, remember? Not red and yellow crossbreeds. Will you _please_ think of the children?'

'I'm switching partners. Deal with it or not.'

'I choose not. Eyes off, Diggory. Merlin, Lil, you really need to _smile_ sometimes. It's the second best thing you can do with your mouth, after all.'

'Something incredible you could do with yours is shut it.'

'Just keep dancing, Evans. McGonagalls watching us now. That's what I appreciate about Minny, she thinks of the _children. _No Gryffin-puffs around her, that's for sure.'

'... So that's it? "_Keep dancing Evans"? _You're not even going to _apologise?'_

'For what, exactly? I didn't do anything wrong, Lily.'

'Oh, I'm _so _sorry. I forgot I was talking to _the _James Potter. Must've slipped my mind that you can do or say _anything _you want and _nobody_ can object because you're just so _amazing _and _talented _and _handsome _and _never _do _anything _wrong. No need to apologise, it was _my _mistake.'

'Careful Evans. Those are your words, not mine.'

'Eurgh! You know, Potter, acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger. You're repulsive.'

'Mmm, you take my breath away.'

'I'm just suffocated by your bullshit.'

'I'm beginning to think it's better to lose a lover than to love a loser. I'm doing you a _favour _here, and all you can do is yell at me? I'm getting pretty tired of it Lily.'

'And I'm getting Deja-Moo.'

'What?'

'I've heard this bull before.'

'Argh! You may not like my personality, Evans, but at least I have one. All you are is a stick in the mud bloody _prude _who hates fun. You never even gave me a chance! I was just trying to make you laugh. I don't know why I bothered.'

'I wish you wouldn't.'

'Enough people hate you already, Evans, stop working so hard to get another.'

'Yeah? Well _I._ _hate. you_.'

'Good! I hate you too!'

'I won't dance with you again, Potter.'

'I never wanted to in the first place! I did it for Moony.'

'Fine.'

'_Fine.'_

…

'Where are you going? Evans? EVANS! OI!'

* * *

><p><strong>Maybe it's just me, but I so see Lily as the bitter type early on. To me, she'd fight tooth and nail to not be super <strong>_**romantic **_**about V-day because she prides herself in realism. I think James was right though - her hatred is just unresolved sexual tension ;) I'm calling it Never (dance with you again), okay? N is a hard word! Work with me here!**


	15. Orange

He'd always thought of himself as a man who liked red; how could he not? It was passionate, and fiery, and brave and dazzling – it was painfully obvious that he was crimson through and through. His house was red, the walls that surrounded him, as he slept through dreams of dahlia, were the same. His quidditch robes were scarlet, defiant and triumphant as they burnt a blaze of glory across the pitch time and time again. His parents, his Mother and Father, were equally resplendent in the redness that permeated his life. He'd thought she was red once, too; a perfectly enticing scarlet that bloomed against all odds.

But she wasn't. She was orange.

Her skin would dance in the fires reflected glow, shimmering with shades of coral – ephemeral and utterly beautiful. Her hair would sway with contrasting copper tones, emitting bittersweet sparks of citrus into the cool air of the castle as she carelessly swung it over one shoulder. Her temper was tangerine; acidic and unbearably sweet. Their fights were a haze of flaming ruby, but they rusted into the soft apricot of her kisses. Her cheeks did not flush rose, but rather a pearly peach as she blushed under his gaze, his touch. All he could see was her, and the indelible orangeness that had somehow burrowed it's way into his heart.

He didn't mean to fall in love with orange – all he'd wanted was the bewitching red he'd once believed her to be. Red was safe, because it was beautiful and bold, but he'd lived with it so long that it was home, warm and familiar. In comparison, orange terrified him. It was highs and lows, heartbreaks and heart swells, fears and hopes and everything in between. It was a dream he'd barely dared to dream, and it was studded with darkness of nightmares, spotted with stars that burnt a deep orange in his sky. Sometimes he felt that the orange would eat him alive; his savior and executioner, both.

Still, he would bathe in her glow as long as she would let him, for it was his own doing and an inescapable fate. _He_ should've known that kisses held consequences.

* * *

><p><strong>A short one-shot about James' expectations vs. reality. I hope you liked  understood it.**


	16. Procrastination

Pads, have you done the Astronomy? – J

**I'm doing it now. Have you not started either? Excellent! Procrastinators unite… tomorrow. Just keep looking at Binns, and pretend the essay is notes on History of Magic. It'll be fine, Prongs. **

You're right, we can do this. Do you have any notes? Mine have this little problem where they don't exist, and I know nothing about Planetary Alignments.

**I have notes. Just give me a second. Hey, Moony –-**

No.

**But -**

No. You should've learnt your lesson and done it yourself. It's not my fault that because you failed to prepare you're preparing to fail.

We're going to get T's again.

**That was not our fault! We tried our best and failed miserably. The lesson I've learnt is never try. **

Sound life lesson you've got there, Pads.

Let me know how that works out for you. 

**Moony if you're going to be heartless and not help out a friend in need, please refrain from making sarcastic comments. Procrastination is an art.**

Excuse me while I rip a muscle laughing. How did you figure that one out, Sirius?

**It's the art of keeping up with yesterday, I'll have you know.**

If you'd started yesterday like you said you would, you'd have finished by now.

**I was busy.**

Doing what!

**Amanda Figgl–**

Eurgh, Sirius, let's not. I'm asking Lily.

* * *

><p>Hey, Lily. May I just say how incredibly beautiful you're looking today?<p>

_No. Leave me alone, I'm working._

So am I.

_You're not doing your work._

Neither are you.

_You're annoying._

So are- I mean, you're, err, ginger.

_Nothing escapes you, does it? Besides, I may not be working but __I__ have notes._

Let it escape, I have Remus.

_Potter, no matter who you have helping you cheat, the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary._

Doesn't your perfect life ever get perfectly boring?

_Do you even know what the Professor is talking about?_

If I say yes, will you let me borrow your Astronomy notes?

_Astronomy? What for? It wouldn't happen to be an essay due next, would it?_

I can't answer that for legal reasons.

_Shouldn't you be doing something other than writing futile notes to me then? Say, your Astronomy essay, or maybe even History notes?_

I'm very busy doing things I don't need to do in order to avoid anything I'm actually supposed to be doing. Plus, I can't do it. Pluto won't fit in right.

_That's because Pluto isn't a planet._

Hey, don't mock it! It's okay Pluto, I'm not a planet either. But you should take my ignorance as a sign, Lily.

_A sign of what? That calling you a peabrain would be an undeserved compliment?_

I'll let that slide if you slide me your notes, because it's a sign that you have to help me, oh-knowledgeable-one.

_Potter, I really think—_

Please?

_It would be so much better if- _

Please please please please pleaaassseeee?

_Fine. But you need to make sure the common room is quiet by 10 every night this week. That includes Sirius._

What about—

_You also have to promise this is the last time you'll do this, James._

But—

_AND help me with Transfiguration for the rest of the month._

Would you consider doing it over coffee? Next weeks a Hogsmeade weekend and if I have too much blood in my caffeine system I won't be much help.

_That's... acceptable. But a__ll__ of these must be done if you don't want to be cursed within an inch of your life and be placed in detention until you graduate. That's the price you pay for calling me a perfect girl with a perfectly boring life. That's fair warning._

… I agree to your conditions . Give me your notes!

_Excellent. On second thoughts though, you should just give me your essay. I have a feeling it'll take me a while to make all of the corrections, and I can charm my handwriting to look like yours, it'll be faster._

I really love you sometimes, Lily.

_And I really love it when the common room is quiet, you're not bugging me for help, and I get an 'O' in McGonagall's lessons._

* * *

><p>What do me and McGonagall have in common?<p>

I shudder to think.

**People clap when they see you.**

No—wait, what are you talking about Pads?

**You know, in her case because she can turn into a cat, and in yours, they clap their hands over their eyes.**

You're so cute when you try to be funny. No, but we're both good at Transfiguration and we _both_ have a date with Lily next week.

**A date? How?**

Amortentia isn't fair play, Prongs.

She agreed to do my homework if I helped her. Please, as if a cozy hour spent in the Three Broomsticks is _punishment. _

It baffles me how you deserve nothing but get everything.

**I'm with Moony on this one. This is so **_**unfair. **_**James gets a date, and all poor Sirius get's is a D in Astronomy.**

I can't believe I'm saying this but… I'll help you if you want. Hand it over. I can't let you fail by yourself.

**You're the best werewolf I've ever met.**

I'm the _only _werewolf you've ever met.

**It's the thought that counts.**

Wow, Pads, is that all you've written?

**Quality, not quantity my dear Prongs. Besides, didn't someone once say what you don't know can't hurt you? **

If we judged by that, you'd be invincible. Since when did Jupiter have four rings but no moons? And you spelt Io wrong, which I didn't even know was _possible._

**What would I do without you, eh Moony?**

I've done my best, but there's still not much there. You may have to copy it out again and add a bit in the middle – we've only got five minutes left.

**Ahh, **_**crap.**_

Just make your handwriting bigger so it looks like you've written more.

_**Excellent **_**idea! You're a much better mate I give you credit for.**

I know.

* * *

><p><strong>See that Moony? That is an A. A for acceptable. As in a pass. And you said I was preparing to fail. <strong>

Ganymede's going soft in his old age. I would have given it a T. At least he still understands greatness when he sees it – he gave _me _an E.

Ha! You think that's good? I got an 'O' and a date.

**Don't worry Prongs, you'll be miserable and alone again by next week.**

Or at least back to failing. Maybe Lily will be good for you though. _She _can teach you that 'someday' isn't a day of the week.

You guys can mock me all you want, but I've learnt my lesson.

Excellent! I knew you'd come round, James. You didn't deserve this weeks 'O' but next time is a whole new start!

Don't be foolish Moony. I've learnt that procrastination is it's own reward.

That's it. I give up.

**So do I. Butterbeer?**

Butterbeer.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The story behind their first date... kinda. I had no idea it would get so long. Don't hate me. **

**I updated this for a special reason though, because … *****drumroll please***** today 'Medley' hit seven thousand hits! Wowowowwow. This isn't an ongoing story, so random hits are an unexpected blessing. You guys are the absolute **_**BEST****!**_


	17. Questions

The trees are whispering softly as the sun smiles on James and I, alone on the grass of his garden. My head rests on his chest, and his hand plays with my fingers, and the whole world is soft and lazy and relaxed. That's why I feel as if I'm dreaming when he breaks the idle silence.

'What are you smiling about?' He asks, and for a moment I watch the clouds drift slowly by and say nothing.

'Everything.' I answer, and I mean it. The war between us and _them _has made it so hard to be happy since we left Hogwarts, but in this bubble of time I realize that despite it all, I _am _happy.

'Me too.' James answers, and we share a smile as I twist my head to look at his face. I'm still looking at him when he says 'I think we should get married.'

The silence stretches out between us once more.

'James…' I think he's joking. We've never really discussed our future, not when we have our present to worry about. Our past isn't in our favour either, and I'm reminded of the thousands of fights we had along the way.

He twists himself into an awkward sitting position, trying not to disturb my neck, but I sit up to, and we're no longer touching.

'No, Lil, I'm serious. We should get married.' He's smiling, but his eyes are worried, and I am too. Dreams don't smell or sound or feel like this, and that means it's real.

'We're eighteen. We've just left school! We don't need to get _married. _We have all the time in the world.'

He's really worried now, and there's a pause as he bites his lip. It's surreal, seeing his face scrunched where it's normally so carefree. 'Do we?'

My words are left unsaid, but he understands anyway.

'Before you say anything, I want you to hear me out. First of all, this isn't a proposal, if that's what you're worried about. It's a…' his eyes dart around, grazing over the never-ending landscape of his massive estate. 'It's a _proposed _proposal. I didn't want to scare you by saying it outright.'

I laugh humourlessly. It's a little late for that.

He ignores me to continue. 'Secondly we _don't _have all the time in the world, Lil. We're in a war! We – _I _– I could die at any time and then where would you be? Your parents blame me enough as it is, can you imagine how much they'd hate our world if I died and you were left alone? You'd have to choose between magic and family. Even if you _did _choose magic, where would you live? _How _would you live? Sure, you could stay with our friends, but not forever Lil. Not forever. If we got married, you'd have enough gold to never work again, if you wanted to. You could buy a house wherever you wanted and just play with your cats and practice charms. I want you to have security if I die.'

I'm frowning at him now, lightheaded with sweaty palms. I'm nervous, and it surprises me. I feel as if I could soar into the sky at any moment, and I almost _want _to. _I'm not ready for this, _I think. 'Can you please stop saying that? You're not going to die, James Potter. Not for a long time yet. We'll be fine.'

He's running his hands through his hair, and I reach up to take them in my own. James' palms are sweaty too. We match, but for once it doesn't make me happy. If we're both nervous, and shaking, surely that's a sign that this is crazy. We don't need to get married now. We're _young._

'Okay, fine. Say I don't die tomorrow. Say we survive and live to the ripe old age of ninety, with seventeen children and a dog called Harry. Guess what? I'd _still _want to marry you, Lily. I _want _to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. Do you not love me?'

James' eyes watch me with huge intensity, and I know he won't blame me if I back out now. He'll blame himself. I can back out at anytime, and for a moment, I wonder what it will be like if I do. There are thousands of other boys out there, even if I disregard all without magical abilities. Somewhere out there is another boy, calm and poised and possibly the perfect match for me, Lily Christina Evans. He'll like books, and quiet, and will listen to me when I tell him not to spend the whole night with Sirius. We won't fight, because we'll be equals and understand one another. We'll be _boring. _

I look James, and see him looking back, and my image is reflected in his hazel eyes, just as he's reflected in mine. Reflections of one another. Our future stretches out before me, and I see what it will be like if I say yes. _Married. _We'd be happy, I think. I see us, dancing around James' manor as a perfectly choreographed couple. It registers then that this manor will be half mine. I'd belong to the legacy of one of the most prestigious wizarding families around. The girl of my imagination smiles at me. I pause. That will be _me_, if I say yes, not some far off girl in an imaginary world. Me.

James is really nervous now. His eyes are darting around all over the place, and I can tell his itching to know what's going on in my mind, but I hold my silence as he holds his, and then I smile.

'If you're expecting an answer, you're going to be sorely disappointed. This is a _proposed _proposal James. I would never say yes to something so hopelessly unromantic as '_I might die, marry me?' _Honestly, you're going to try a _little _harder than that if you ever want a reply.'

He lets out a breath I didn't realize he was holding, and his fingers squeeze mine once more. It's a little unsettling, even though the gesture is so familiar. Those hands will belong to me forever, and the idea of a lifetime spent with James is so bizarre I can do nothing but smile at him weakly. His answering grin is so wide that the buzz of happiness I'd had before begins to return to me, and it brings billions of dancing butterflies into the pit of my stomach.

He laughs then, and the trees echo the sound so it bounces back at me from funny angles. 'Nervous?' he says, and I'm a little startled.

'Yes. Aren't you?'

His face is relaxed now, but I remember the worried expression it held a few minutes before. 'No,' he lies. 'I knew you'd say yes eventually. That's why I wasn't.'

It's my turn to laugh now. 'I knew I'd say yes too, and that's why I _was.'_

We smile, and the feeling of a dream is broken irreparably now. This is _real. _Despite the war, and how hard it is to be happy, I still feel as if I am, as if I will be. I'm getting _married, _but it's okay.

**A/N Okay so this is for my friend Rebecca, who is a catholic and recently had a 'proposed proposal'! He's proposing in June and they plan to get married next February. She's 19. Congrats Bex! I will wear yellow and dance like Luna.**

**Also a massive thank you to **_**Catchthegoldensnitch7 **_**who is unfailingly fabulous, **_**Ran **_**whom I adore, **_**Flan303 **_**who is sugar and spice and all things nice, **_**JackieMooneyLestrange **_**who is wonderful, and all of the more sporadic reviewers! You're all incredible. I love everyone who is silent too! Alright, this is a long enough now, but take **_**ALL **_**the love!**


	18. Reliability

The heavily pregnant girl was sitting in the kitchen as the clock hummed in the background. Her fingers echoed its eerie rhythm as she drummed them across the tabletop. Lily sighed. It was getting late, and once again James wasn't home on time.

Just then, the rattle of a key in the front door sounded, and in walked two boys who seemed to be in their late teens. One had long black hair, and insolent good looks that were characterized by the smirk he held in place even after meeting the red headed girls gaze. The second boy also had black hair, though his was short and stuck up in all directions; he wore glasses and a broad grin. Both were dressed in t-shirts emblazoned with a large golden bird, and both were panting heavily.

"Late! Again!" Lily yelled as she began to stand up, pointing from one to the other. "I am _pregnant _and you _promised _you wouldn't be late _ever _again, _James Elvendork Potter."_

The first boy smirked even further as James' grin slowly began to melt under her withering glare. Judging by her expression, Lily was not impressed.

"And _you, _Mr. Black, don't think you're getting away with this either! You gave me your word that you two wouldn't get in to any more trouble! And what happens? Not only do you return my husband over an _hour _late, but you both reek of motorbike oil and sweat! Care to explain?"

Both of the boys opened their mouths at once.

"Well, Lily, dear, all that happened was—"

"It wasn't out fault the police decided to—"

"The _police?" _She screeched, barely breaking her stride as the two boys winced in unison. "The _muggle _police? Sirius Orion Black, you have thirty seconds to explain what exactly happened tonight, with _no _interruptions. Go."

James started forward. "Lil, really, there's no need to harass Sirius—"

She pushed him away from her immediately. "I said no interruptions, James. Be quiet. Sirius? The truth, please."

"The truth?" repeated the longhaired youth as his companion began to wriggle uncomfortably beside him. "Er-Well, let's see. We were driving down the M5, as usual, and we ran into a spot of trouble-"

"Trouble?"

"Well, alright, we'd heard about some Death Eaters in the area and thought it prudent to investigate, you know, to save others. We did it for the people, not ourselves. For others. Then, you know, there was a spot of bother and well, things got a little hairy and we couldn't exactly brawl in the middle of the road, could we? So we decided to make a short stop along the way, and _apparently _we were doing something wrong, or against the muggle code or something, because the next thing we know there was a car with blue flashing lights chasing us around while we tried to avoid the men flying after us, you know, the ones fighting us for the _people. _The people Lily, please think of the people." He almost smirked again, until he caught sight of her face. The faster this was over with the better, as far as he was concerned. She could be angry with James later. "Right, err, so anyway, the poleese, or however you say it, _didn't, _in fact, want a nice chat, and err, cornered us in an alley. James started talking some nonsense about _Elvendork _being a unisex name – which is completely untrue, might I add, he just doesn't want to admit he has a girls name – and next thing you know we're being attacked and having to heroically _save _the policemen in an epic battle as the men flying after us came round the corner! Of course, we obliviated them and saved the day, but really, Lil, we were late because we protected the _people."_

Silence dominated the kitchen once more as Sirius stopped talking. Lily's face was carefully blank, and the boy with the scruffy hair watched her with an expression of extreme wariness as he fidgeted with his slightly ripped t-shirt.

"Alright." She said at last, breaking the tension with one quiet word. "Alright. But _never _again, do you hear me? I was worried _sick _about the pair of you! Can you _imagine _what could have happened? You could have _died_, or worse, been _captured!_ When I think of all the stupid, reckless - "

She continued to talk for a number of minutes until James caught Sirius' eye to wink at him. Sirius almost laughed as James motioned his head towards the door. Excellent. Maybe he could even swing by Dumbledore's on the way home as James took the rap for tonight's adventures. He began to edge towards the door as she paused for breath when a hand shot out to stop him.

"And where do you think you're going?"

He didn't even blink. He'd known Lily for far too long to ever _truly _feel threatened by her. "Somebody has to tell Albus what's going on, remember?"

She blushed slightly, and looked down towards… well, not the floor exactly – Sirius doubted she could still see that over her enormous stomach – but definitely that direction. "Yes, yes, of course. I completely forgot. Well, thank-you Sirius, for returning my husband safely. I know you mean well, it's just I worry so much. Are you coming to dinner tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." He smiled at her, and for a moment she smiled back. It was moments like these when he realized he didn't just love Lily as his best friend's wife, but as a sister too. It was nice to have somebody to worry about you.

"I'll walk you out." James voice was terse, as if he was biting back a laugh.

As soon as they were outside, Sirius broke first.

"When she said that bit about being _dying _I nearly cried! Us? Dead? Has she never met my wand? The only person who could stop _us_ is Voldemort himself." He shook his long hair out of his eyes as he climbed aboard his bike.

James was laughing too. "I know! I'm glad you were there, mate, I thought she was going to finish me off herself! Still. I'm sorry." The motorbike had roared into life again as Sirius sat upon it. James had to shout the last bit, voice stretching over the throb of the engine. "I owe you one for putting up with that one, that _was _my fault. I didn't think they'd chase us after the last time with that cat and the-" his voice cut off as the noise ramped up a notch.

"No problem, I'll see you tomorrow!" Sirius yelled. "And don't forget: Elvendork! It's a girls name!"

There was an earth-shaking crash as the motorcycle reared into action, and before James' laughing eyes took off into thin air: Sirius zooming away into the night sky with his tail light twinkling behind him like a vanishing ruby. And for the moment, all was well.

**A/N: So I didn't die, but I did write this while waiting in an Italian hospital for four hours! My friend got very drunk and I had to stay with her while they put her on two drips and a heart monitor. It was quite funny after a while, actually.**

**This is a take on JK's 'prequel' – the 800 word James and Sirius chase scene. If you look closely (alright, not even closely) you'll recognize a lot of the passage in this scene. Married life isn't always bliss, right? Anyway I'm sorry it's rushed – as I said it was written in hospital and I just wanted to get it out there after the long wait. Happy reviewing ;)**


	19. Shadows

When we arrive, everything is gone. My house, the street… even the garden. My parents are gone now, too. My garden is scattered with nothing but fragments of my old life and scarred trees from the fire.

I'm in a state of shock. The world seems to be moving as if not a thing has happened; birds zip past in their flocks, dancing and wheeling across the summer sky. I can't help but feel that this isn't _fair. _This isn't how it's supposed to be. My parents should still be alive, and they're not, because of me. I killed them, because of who I was. The revelation weighs heavily on my heart.

James is with me, of course. He stands at the door as I enter, strong and still and silent as the shadows of a thousand memories play in my mind. He watches me as I sift through the remaining items – the charred skeleton of a forgotten photo frame, the warped metal of a chair. These echoes, these rooms… this is not my life. My life is vibrant and fun and occasionally dangerous and dark, but it isn't a hollow home – not a shell where my family once stood.

I feel sick. The dankness of the building – if you can call it that – is suddenly oppressive and nauseating. The smell of singed things wafts up into the still evening air, and it clings to me. I cannot escape this. There is no turning back of time. This isn't a fairytale; this is a nightmare. My parents are dead.

I stagger backwards as it hits me, and even though the pain strikes me again and again it's always so fresh, so raw, that I feel as if I may collapse at any moment. I hate it. This weakness is useless; I have to carry on. I must be strong, for James, and for myself. I take one last look at my childhood home, and then I turn and walk outside. I am done.

Utterly exhausted, I stagger to the door and recall my early idea of visiting every room, just one last time. I feel ridiculous. How did I ever think I could manage it? It's too much. I think of James when he lost his parents just last year. His mother was old, and whilst it wasn't surprising when her illness claimed her life, it was still shocking. It seemed as if she would live forever. His father followed soon after, but perversely, James was glad. His parents were a unit; one could not live without the other. They were a team. I'd like to think James and I are a team, too. I don't think we could survive without the other either.

I'm outside now. It's awful. The bright light, the breeze, the sound of the city rippling across to where I stand; it shouldn't be like this. My parents are shadows in the sun.

"Lily?" James says, and his voice is soft and warm and melted honey. He's worried about me, I think.

I force a smile over broken lips. "I'm fine. Just –" I pause, searching for the words to fill the silence. "Just give me a minute."

His hand slides over my back as I crouch against the earth, slipping down in a short free fall into I'm sitting on the ground I once ran across as a child. "I'm fine." I say again, but I don't know whether I'm telling James or myself this time. "I'm fine."

A pause.

"What am I going to do?" It comes out as a whisper. A sob breaks through, but that's it. The rest have risen to the surface, but my armor holds them back. I will be strong.

Still, he's holding me almost instantly. "Shhh, Lil, shh. It will be okay."

"It _won't," _I say, and I mean it. "I have nobody, James, nobody left except a sister who hates me. I don't even have enough money to have this house restored! I have nothing."

James is still against me, but I can feel his heartbeat racing in time with my own. Thud, thud, thud. "Don't say that Lily, don't _ever _say that. You don't have nothing. You have me, and Sirius, Remus, and Peter. You have Dumbledore and the Order, and Emma, and magic. You're magic." He kisses my forehead briefly. "And as for not having Petunia, that isn't true. She's still there, just a bit further away. That's okay. You can still be part of her life, Lil, even if it is just exchanging Christmas presents neither of you like. And you may not be rich, but you _are _valuable. You're going to be okay. I'll look after you."

He continues to hold me even as the swell of sobs threatening to break through subsides. It's calming, just sitting here, in the dirt, having my boyfriend hold me while I try and get to grips to what has happened. It'll be okay. I have James, and James has me. We'll get through it together.

I realize then, in my old garden, that I don't want to be an echo of the past. I don't want my future children to live in the shadows of the dead; I want them to be free. The only way to do that is to survive – and to survive I must fight. I must fight until my final moments, and even then fight harder against the dying of the light. The remnants of what was cannot taint what will be, and in that moment I make up my mind to live through this war, and to do whatever it takes to make sure those I love do too. My parents may be memories in the wind, but I never will be. James and I were born to last.

**A/N: So I updated yesterday AND today! I want a gold star. Anyway, this is about how Harry never had any Grandparents, and although J.K said all of them died 'unsuspiciously' I'm using creative freedom to pretend that Lily's were attacked, and that's why Petunia **_**really **_**loathes magic later on. Sorry it's such a downer! I think Rome made me so melancholic. The Colosseum and Vestal Virgin temple made me think of shadows of the past… and well, this is the result. Review for **_**your**_** gold stars? ;)**


	20. Teasing

I first kissed James in fifth year – not that I'm proud of it. We never really speak about it as our first kiss, because it was just so unromantic, and quite frankly, _gross_. I didn't talk to him for months afterwards because I was completely convinced that it was all a sick game he concocted that I'd been stupid enough to try and play.

Although, in my defence, I was completely and utterly drunk, and I thought he was teasing me.

It'd been a win for Gryffindor in a brutal game of Quidditch that evening – one that was important in securing the cup, apparently – but all I knew was that there was a huge party going on when I made it into the common room. I'd left my bag in the library and though I'd seen the match (and understood merely the basics), I'd left early (much to the amusement of Em and Alice) to grab it before the castle started swarming with students again.

Pfft. What a rookie error _that _turned out to be. I'd gotten distracted by my unfinished essay and by the time I was done, the entire castle was back and apparently the party was in full swing. I almost groaned at the thought of battling my way through the sea of tipsy bodies. Awesome.

Apparently, Em didn't have the same inhibitions about getting up close and personal with Hogwarts finest.

'Lil!' I hear her voice, and then saw her, battling her way through the crowd. I knew there was a reason she was placed in Gryffindor. 'Helllloooooo babe! I've been looking for you eeevverywhere. But you' (here she stopped to poke me in the chest) 'were in the library like a good little nerd.'

She laughed then, and I understood. Em wasn't being brave, she was drunk. And kind of mean.

'Look. Me and Alice and Franks and some other people were thinking-' she paused to hiccup. '-Were thinking that we should go and celebrate _properly_. These people aren't even _dancing_! They're just getting drunk. It's disgusting.'

I looked at her, and sighed; trying to let go of the annoyance I was feeling towards her. 'I really think you've had enough Em, maybe you should—'

'No! You alwaysss say that Lily! You should have a drink.' She giggled, and held out the amber bottle she was clutching in her fist.

I was about to reply, but I was interrupted by a dark haired boy that seemed to have popped out of nowhere with the rest of his thinks-they're-God squad. 'Ha! Now _that _is a sight I'd like to see.'

'And _what _exactly do you mean by that, Black?' I was mad. My words may have held the teensiest tiniest bit of venom, I _guess._

He narrowed his eyes at my tone. 'I _meant _that there's _no way _a girl like you would drink from a bottle like that at a party like this. You're too… oh, what's the word? Oh yeah – _naïve.' _

That stung a bit, if I'm honest. Lily Evans is anything but naïve. I looked at him for a moment, and then I saw something behind him that made me look away. Potter. Peter. Exchanging _money. _Three guesses what that was about.

Suddenly, I grabbed the bottle from Em's still outstretched hands, and right in front of everyone, started to drink.

The first thing I noticed was the _pain. _It burned, Merlin, did it burn. My stupid pride! Still, I forced myself to keep drinking, and defiantly looked Black in the eyes as I did so. I couldn't stop. If I stopped, I would choke, and if I only swallowed a mouthful I'd never hear the end of it.

I stopped when I noticed how Potter's eyes were kind of bugging out, and he whispered something to Sirius, who nodded.

'Merlin, Lil, are you alright?' Em said, her eyes huge. I felt kind of spacey and didn't trust my voice as my throat still felt as if it'd been scraped along a cheese grater, and so I just nodded.

'That's it!' Said Sirus, patting me on the back as he took a step closer to me. He beamed at me, and I swear it was the alcohol, because he looked kind of proud. It was disconcerting knowing that _I _did something he approved of. 'Lily Evans, welcome to the ranks!'

Then everyone sort of laughed and even though I was still angry with everyone for calling me a nerd and being rude, I did too. Someone shoved another drink of something that looked a lot like butterbeer into my hands and then Sirius was saying 'To Evans!' and everyone was cheering and toasting and it was all a bit of blur. I meant to protest, but then I saw Remus grinning at me just like everyone else, and really, how could I argue with that? He was a prefect too. Ahh well, I thought. Bottoms up.

After a few minutes – or was it hours? – we'd somehow migrated upstairs to the boys room. There was some music crooning out of a radio and some people were dancing, but I'd noticed that Frank and Alice had mysteriously disappeared for some time. I honestly did try to dance, but I felt like I should be holding on to the floor, not standing up. I had a moment of sheer terror when I thought of the very real possibility of falling off the floor. It was only the Marauders, Em, a few boys I vaguely recognized, who I assumed must be on the Quidditch team, and some random members of the Marauders' personal Peroxide Parade (aka some dumb bimbos that followed Sirius, James and Remus around everywhere). We were all sat in a circle, about to play – canyoubelieveit – truth or dare.

When Sirius suggested it, I nodded. I _nodded. _Normal-Lily would have laughed in his face. _Drunk-_Lily nodded. I suppose it was better than clinging onto the walls incase gravity failed me, like I'd previously suspected was about to happen.

Alcohol sucks.

Anyway, we were all sitting in a circle spinning the bottle when I felt a hand snake around my waist. 'We can leave if you want to,' James' voice whispered suggestively. 'I know how you're allergic to fun.'

I felt so _angry _then, so inexplicably angry, that I literally hit James hand away. Is this all I was to him – to everyone? Some 'naïve nerd' who was some sort of punch line to their joke? By this time I'd stopped playing attention to the game, and was staring at the boy sitting next to me. I felt sick, and the walls were spinning, and I wasn't sure of what I was saying anymore or what was even _real._

'You want to have fun?" My voice was dangerously quiet now. I felt like I was about to throw up, or hex James until he was.

'Oh I would _love _to have fun with you, Evans.' He smiled at me, and dropped a lazy sort of wink from one eye.

I reached out a hand to retaliate somehow – to punch him? To leave? I'm not even sure. I was interrupted, once again, by Sirius Black.

'Evans. Looks like you're up!' I'm suddenly still as a statue. Please please please don't say what I think you're about to. 'And I dare you to kiss James.'

Shit. He said it, that heartless bastard.

I looked around at everyone and saw mixed expressions: jealousy, interest, delight… and then James, who looked a little bit smug and a little bit nervous.

I don't know what made me do it, I really don't. Maybe it was the fact that everyone was staring and I didn't want to storm out like they thought I would. Maybe it's because I was so, so angry and it had to come out somewhere. Maybe it was because I could see Peter, and he looked expectant, and there was no way I was going to let anyone win a bet on my behaviour two times in one night.

And so, without even stopping to think about it, I kissed him right on the mouth. His eyes widened in surprise and his mouth opened a little, and I, Lily Evans, supreme hussy, took advantage of the moment to slide my tongue teasingly against his lips. I swear to Merlin James groaned. I bought my head back an inch and removed my lips just barely from his, and I closed my eyes.

'Ha, bloody ha.' I murmured, and I could feel James hot breath fanning over my face as I whispered the words. The next second, he'd crashed his lips against mine again. I kissed him with all I had, to get him to understand how mad I was. He took that as encouragement, and pulled me deeper into the kiss. One hand came up to stroke my face, while the other slipped underneath my jumper to massage my hips. It was a little sloppy, and the room was blurry, and it can only have lasted a few seconds, but in that moment it felt like forever. It was James and I and we were kissing feverishly, desperately – years of pining and hatred and love and anger spilling over into a kiss that was hot and messy and _public_.

I heard some whooping, and cheering, and that's when I finally pulled away. This was a game. A sick, sick game. I had to leave.

I stood up, wobbling like crazy, and took a bow. I hope you enjoyed the show.' I spat, and then hightailed it out of there.

I'd like to think it makes James uncomfortable to talk about it now, but in all actuality, I have no idea if he even remembers it. It wasn't a very good kiss (and I know from experience that when he wants to be, James is a _very _good kisser) but the still; I'd like to think it memorable. The one time I bought it up James looked at me completely blankly, unreadable. I've been too embarrassed to bring it up since.

One day, I'll have the confidence to tease him about it, but until then, I'm happy to just enjoy the ride – and the kisses.

**A/N: It's here! Somebody (they know who they are) asked for some more physical interaction with James and Lily (you ho) and so I thought, as they were so bossy, that I would twist it a little. Still count though, so ha! Jokes on… well, Lily, apparently.**

**Anyway I have exams all this week and I haven't started revising yet so I'm an idiot, but meh. Let's try and get to eighty reviews this week as a treat? It's got eleven thousand hits now, I'm sure we can do eighty? Pleaspleaseplease?**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed it guys. (and if you did, thank Steph, the master-tart.)**


	21. Upside Down

**Upside down**

James stuck his head around the last bookshelf in the room and broke into a smile. She was here. Of course she was here. Where else would Lily Evans go when upset? He knew it wouldn't be the owlery, or the common room, or her dorm, because she hated people coming in and interrupting her misery. It _had _been a toss up between the girl's bathroom and the back corner of the library, but seeing as Sirius had the map he'd hedged his bets and come here instead.

James had debated leaving her alone (like she'd probably ask to be anyway) but then decided not to. He knew how important Lily's friends were to her, and he was guessing the fight had been pretty big, judging by what he'd walked in on. Emma's face had been red with anger, and Lily had looked stunned in the brief second before she ran out of the common room. No, he couldn't leave. He was going to put a smile on her face if it killed him – and knowing Lily, it might.

Her hair is swung over one shoulder so he can't see her face, but he's fairly certain she's crying. He doesn't like it when girls cry, and thinks about just walking away again, before shaking his head and taking a determined step into the alcove of books she's holed herself into.

"You're crying." James had been going for smooth, yet comforting, but had ended up blurting the first thing that came into his head, as usual. _That's it James, charm her with your wit, _he thinks to himself, but the thought only makes him more nervous.

"Go. Away." That's what he liked about her – she always got straight to the point.

He clears his throat, but she still doesn't look up from the book in front of her. He doubts she's reading. He coughs again, because _clearly _nerves are what really win girls hearts. She'd give in eventually, right? "Want a hug?"

"Get out." Or not.

"You're not even listening to me."

She doesn't bother replying, but her hand sneaks up to her face. He thinks she's drying away tears, ready to finally face him, but she doesn't. Her hand drops.

"I heard you, but I want you to leave me alone, James." Lily's voice comes out in a sigh, and once again, he thinks about leaving, but he doesn't. What if she's testing him? Seeing if he'll walk away, just like everybody else? He can't leave.

He smiles instead, and steps forward until he can almost reach out and touch her. Almost. "What did I say then?"

She still isn't looking, even though James has grabbed the armchair next to her and drawn it closer. She doesn't even flinch when he sits down on it and leans in towards her. So close, yet so far away. Her voice is quieter when she speaks, and James smiles because he knows she knows he's there, and hasn't done anything. " 'Do you want a hug?' "

He smirks. "If you insist."

James reaches out and pulls her towards him, carefully wrapping his arm around her shoulders, guiding her head to lie on his chest. It's cheeky, and daring, and for a moment he thinks she's going to whip out her wand and curse him, but after a second she relaxes into the hug.

Slowly, slowly, he reaches out the hand not embracing her to tuck her hair behind her ear. He'd been right – she _was _crying. Lily's eyes are rimmed with red, and her nose has turned pink, but in that moment she is beautiful. Gently, he begins to rub circles on her back with his thumb. He feels as if she might break – as if _he _might break – at any moment. As if the moment was made of glass, and all that was stopping it from shattering into a thousand shards was the calm. Her green eyes glisten as he traces patterns on her skin.

"Want to talk about it?" He whispers against her red, red hair as he leans his chin against the top of her head.

"No." Lily's voice is pure steel.

He pauses for a second, before drawing even closer to her. Her hair tickles his nose, and he can feel his own breath bounce off her cheek as he whispers into her ear. "Whatever she said, Lil, she's wrong. She is so wrong. You're perfect, Lily Evans."

Maybe it's because of his words, or maybe it's because they seem so far away from everybody else, but after that, they don't talk again. She plucks herself off of her chair to climb into his lap, and her arms wrap around his waist. James isn't entirely sure why, or how it happened, but he's sitting in silence at the back of the library with the love of his life as she cries onto his shoulder. He thinks that maybe the fight was about him, but he doesn't push it. He just traces patterns and thinks until she finally stirs.

Lily moves to draw away, and James lets her. The cool air pushes against the spot where she'd been, but he wishes that sometimes she'd hug him because she wants _him_, not just a shoulder to cry on.

"This doesn't mean we're friends." Her voice is still thick with tears, but the normality of her tone and the scowl that accompanies it makes him laugh despite himself. They both know she's lying. Lily and James had been friends for a while.

Still, he agrees with her. "No." He reaches out again to wipe a tear from her cheek, and the look she gives him is so intense he thinks he might burst. "We could never be friends."

Lily blushes, and smiles slightly. James lifts the corner of his lips up in return.

* * *

><p>I'd been sort-of-semi-flirting James for a while before I reallysaw him lose his temper, and let me tell you, the boy <em>represses. <em>I am so glad he doesn't lose it easily, because the only thing I can suggest for his Hulk-smash mode is lots and lots of therapy.

I honestly hadn't _meant _for him to get so angry, it just sort of happened. It really was quite possible that I was not blame at all.

Unfortunately, James didn't see it like that. He was furious.

I mean, I _guess _I can see where he's coming from, if I looked really really hard.

Or, you know, just in the general direction of tonight's events.

Honestly, I didn't even want to think about our fight, I just sort of wanted to shrivel up in a corner, but then I thought of James doing the same thing except mad as well and then my feelings didn't even matter. I just wanted to tell him that I was sorry. Don't even ask me why – it wasn't like we were dating or I owed James anything, but still. I felt responsible for his pain, even though it was definitely plausible that I was not to blame. At all.

The fact that it wasn't _James _I was dating – or to word it better, had gone on a date with – was actually the problem.

I'd never been bothered about accepting other boys before, so I haven't the faintest why I felt so guilty about accepting Davey Gudgeon's idea of a date. It was true I had been planning to go with Potter and his friends, but then he'd been banned from going and so I accepted Gudgeon. If it bothered Potter, then he shouldn't do stupid things and get punished for it.

The date itself was so-so. He took me to Madam Puddifoots, though I would have preferred the Three Broomsticks, he bought me two new quills, though I would have preferred to buy them myself, and he kissed me in the middle of the Hogsmeade, though I would have preferred a shake of the hands or even a hug. It would have been a perfect date for any other girl, but it felt to rehearsed, too boring, too unlike-me. It was a perfectly nice date, but it was like he didn't even care what _I _wanted, just thought he _knew _it already.

Although he was a damn good kisser, to be utterly fair and impartial about the whole thing. I rather enjoyed myself, although I was glad that it finished early due to Hufflepuff Quidditch practice or some other thing I wasn't really listening to.

Clearly, James _hadn't _enjoyed his day. He was sat alone in the common room positively sulking when I came up. When he turned to see who'd entered, a large scowl covered his face. I guess my smile didn't exactly help, but really, it was no reason to go storming up to the boy's dorms.

Uh-uh James Potter. You're not getting away that easily. I followed him up.

The door of his dorm was closed when I got up, but I didn't bother knocking. If he could ignore social convention and just leave, I could ignore it too and just enter.

The dorm itself was big and light, and almost exactly the same as the seventh year girls, although you didn't need a tetanus shot to walk through _our _dorm. James was lying face down on (what I assumed to be) his bed when I walked in.

'James?' My voice probably sounded a little disgusted as a kicked a robe across the floor. It was kind of gross.

He turns his face to the side when he hears his name, and even though most of it's buried in his pillow, I can see one eye. His glasses are clutched in his hand, so I'm probably just a blur to him, but I swear his eyes narrow.

'What are you doing here, _Evans?' _Ouch. That stung. 'Didn't you have a _date?' _He spits the word like poison, and I realise he isn't really angry after all – just hurt.

I shrug in response to his questions. Probably not a good idea to mention any details – Davey holding my hand, kissing me, me kissing him back. I cross my arms and go on the defensive. 'It ended early.'

We're both silent for a second, and I think it'll be okay, but then James sits up and shoves his glasses back onto his nose. He's glaring at me.

'Are we really going to do this? We're really going to try and act normally, as if you didn't abandon all pretense of liking me the _moment _someone better came along?'

I pause, horrified.

It's like I'm winding down just as James is winding up. He's really getting angry now, and he's starting to shout a bit.

'Because if that's what you're really like, Evans, then forget it. Forget _all _of it. If you didn't mean it when you said you wanted to go with _me, _then you should have never accepted. If you can just blow me off like that, you're not the girl I thought you were. You're not _anything _to me.'

I'm shaking. I don't know if it's because I'm mad or I'm hurt, but my previous good mood vanishes, and tears spring to my eyes. My lip wobbles before I hold it in. I refuse to cry over James Potter.

He glowers at me for a second longer before he relaxes, and sighs. He removes his glasses again, puts them on the table next to him, and rubs his eyes. He looks tired.

'You're crying?'

I look down at him on the bed, eyes still shut as he pinches the bridge of his nose. I try and say it as resolutely as possible, but I still quiver slightly. 'No.'

James opens his eyes, and the anger is gone. He's still sitting on his bed, and his uniform is scruffy and his hairs a mess, but when he holds out his arms for me, I crawl into the space available. Just plonk into his lap and wrap my arms around him, as if it's normal for us to be alone on his bed together.

'I'm sorry.'

'I'm sorry too. I didn't mean it.'

'Neither did I.'

I wait, but we don't have anything more to say to each other. He only hurt me because I hurt him, and so it isn't a _real _hurt. The silence unnerves me, and so I do something I would usually _never_ do. I kiss him, right on the mouth that was shouting at me two seconds before. It's just a peck, and our mouths are closed, but the semi-awkward atmosphere dissolves into something different, something more charged.

I swear I see his lip twitch, as if he's suppressing a smile. My mouth curves upwards in return as we make eye contact.

He lifts one eyebrow – a question? A dare? Whatever he means, it's definitely a challenge, and I happen to be a very competitive person. I lean in again as he does, and we meet somewhere in the middle. His breath fans across my face and it sends tingles down my spine; my lips part automatically. James sort of smiles at that, and it's kind of smug and _really _infuriating. I slide the tip of my tongue over his lips, and then it's my turn to smile as he tenses in my grip. My hand reaches up to sink into his hair, while the other curls over his chest. I swear to Merlin he groaned a little.

As I said, I am nothing if not competitive.

I'm just getting into it – because, honestly, James is a _much _better kisser than Gudgeon - when he pulls away and searches my eyes with his own.

'Lily…' I notice that we're back to a first name basis. Score one for me. I wait as he gazes at me. James never met a word that he didn't like, and I'm guessing he has a few choice ones stored up for this particular conversation. To my surprise, it's refreshingly brief.

'If you do this, if _we _do this, then you can't go on anymore-' he practically spits the word '-_dates_. If you kiss me again, you're agreeing to be exclusive. You've got to be sure you want this. Are you ready for this?'

I don't answer; I just lean forwards and cut him off with another kiss. It's short, but very, very sweet, and for a moment I think I've shut him up. I haven't. He opens his mouth again and draws his head back slightly, putting too big a distance between our still open mouths. We're both blushing.

'I am so incredibly _sorry _about earlier—'

Oh, Merlin, he actually thinks I still care what he has to say. I forgot about Davey, and our fight, and everything else the moment our lips met. Why can't he get the hint?

I move towards him again, but he's still determined to try and talk, so I cover his mouth with my hand and start peppering his neck with quick kisses instead. 'James?' I say, punctuating each word with another touch of my lips to his skin. 'Please shut up.'

He smiles really big then, and it's huge and gorgeous and covering up most of his face. I remove my hand but he catches it with his own, and uses it to pull me towards him so I'm lying on top of him, chest to chest. Then James twists, and it's _him _that's hovering over _me, _and the only thought I can think is something so stupid and pathetic that I hope I never think it again.

In the moment before he kisses me, the glorious window of expectation, I look at his beautiful face and think '_I should really get him angry more often.' _

* * *

><p><strong>AN Definitely my longest yet – although to be fair, it ****is**** really _two_ stories. I couldn't decide which one I should post – James cheering up Sad!Lily or Lily 'cheering up' Jealous!James, so I just posted both.**

**In case you were wondering, I probably won't post anymore of them kissing – this was actually what I was going to post to appease Steph before I decided to troll her instead! So yay for that I guess.**

**Thanks for all the good luck wishes for my exams! I've only got three left and I think I did really well in all of them so far, so because I'm super happy, you get two thousand eight hundred words. Woo!**

**To the Anon who spends most of their time at the library – huzzah! Good for you anon! Hope you did well in your finals, and Bio/History EOC (which I'm guessing is some American thing I don't understand) and that the studying paid off. It's completely fine to just respond to me at the end - I still appreciate it.**

**Note to self: I talk too much. Good luck to everyone doing exams! Hugs and butterfly kisses,**

**Ellie xx**


	22. Volatile

James Potter had a lot of scars. He had one in his right eyebrow from where he ran into a chair aged four and refused to let his mother heal it. He had one on his left index finger knuckle, from the time he and Sirius had blown up a pond and the rocks hit his hand. James even had one from the whomping willow – he'd been slow to go through and had been whipped across his lower leg.

He liked scars. Every one held a story. His favourite scars weren't from running into barbed wire fence (summer of third year) or sending rubber chickens onto the astronomy tower roof and getting scraped running away from the scene of the crime (Easter of 1974, and all Peter's fault), or even the ones from quidditch.

No, James' favourite scars were a result of Lily Evans. They were a reminder that everything healed, which was a nice message to be reminded of. He could've removed them of course – but where was the fun in that? Being around Lily was like skydiving without a parachute – great while it lasted, but ultimately he'd always get hurt.

Literally.

Sometimes it was good to remember that everything healed with time.

His hand reached up to touch the newly discovered scar on his chin. The small line of scar tissue made him smile as he remembered how he got it.

There was no denying it. Lily Evans was a volatile woman.

* * *

><p>It had started with a snitch – or more accurately, James' habit of playing with stolen school property in the common room.<p>

He was bored. Remus was upstairs, showering and changing after time spent in the hospital wing, and Peter was losing horrendously at wizard's chess in a game with Sirius. There was nobody to talk to either. The only other people in the room were a group of first year girls doing homework, and that was hardly interesting. He could've helped Peter out, but even that was boring. His best friend matched his skill in the game, and the outcome was invariably a tie. The snitch, however repetitive letting-it-go-just-to-catch-it-again-was, was definitely the best option.

James' eyes were so completely focused on the tiny golden ball fluttering in front of his face that he didn't notice the girl standing in front of him until she spoke.

'Potter.' Lily's eyes were flashing with irritation as she accused him. 'That's _stolen.' _

His lip twitched. Excellent. A distraction from the mind numbing boredom. 'Hypocrite.' He let go of the snitch again.

She looked appalled. 'Excuse me?'

He reached out a hand and, almost lazily, snatched it out of mid-air again. 'I _said _hypocrite. You're a thief too.'

'I am most certainly –'

'Well then it must have been somebody _else _who stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.'

James winked at her, and she flushed. Winding her up was too easy. He released the snitch again, and Sirius snorted.

'Couldn't you be doing something productive instead?'

He didn't answer, instead went back to the game the snitch presented.

She didn't like that. His silence unnerved her, although the feeling of unease was equaled by the rapidly growing annoyance too.

'Accio snitch!'

James sniggered, and even Peter smiled as he lost focus on the game to watch the match between the pair.

'You can't work magic on a _snitch_, Evans.' James' laughed in a singsong voice. 'Where would quidditch be if you could just summon everything? And besides, this _is _productive. I just broke my personal record for most consecutive hours lived.'

All three of the marauders broke into grins at that. James felt smug, and he released the fluttering snitch again with slow, languid movements. Lily's glare practically crackled with angry determination as she swept her hair over her shoulder. In a move he'd be in awe of for the rest of his life, her hand sliced through the air and grabbed the snitch from under his nose.

'Fine.' She hissed through clenched teeth. 'If you're going to be like that, then I'm confiscating this before I'm tempted to _break _your record.'

James could say nothing as he watched her storm off towards the girl's dormitories, but Sirius' spluttering laugh returned him to his senses.

'Evans! Oi, Evans!' When she didn't answer, he swore and got up. If he didn't return the snitch practice would be cancelled, and James would be in a lot of trouble. He jogged after her, but she was halfway up the stairs already.

When Lily had reached the top, she turned around. 'If you want this back, you can apologise and agree not to steal it again.' She lifted her chin slightly as she looked down on him, crossing her arms to showcase the snitch clutched in her white fingers, and tapping her foot impatiently. 'Well? I'm waiting, Potter.'

'I'm not going to _apologise!_' James sounded revolted at the mere thought.

She nodded decisively, as if his answer was expected. 'Then you're not getting it back until you do. Good-bye, Potter.'

He narrowed his eyes as the redhead disappeared around the corner at the top of the stairs, and he thought he heard Sirius and Peter snickering in their corner. Right. That was it. James wasn't going to allow himself to be upstaged by some uptight _girl. _

He was going to get it back.

James stared up the stairs, before realizing that Evans was sincere in her goodbyes. Intent on the return of his (well, _arguably _his) snitch, he started climbing up to reach her dormitory, and by extension, Lily.

The staircase had other ideas. On the fourth step the klaxon went off. He just had time to murmur a quick curse under his breath before the stairs gave way to the smoothness of a slide. His hands reached out to prevent the fall as he tripped forwards, but his body was already slipping down, and he hit the stone hard.

James almost heard the crunch of his chin.

'Shit.'

His hand reached up and the slick feeling of blood met his fingers, oozing out of the jagged line and dripping onto the floor. Behind him, Sirius was in near hysterics. Even more humiliating, Peter joined in, and he could hear the giggles of the group of first years too.

Over the laughter, he heard the whoosh of somebody coming down the stairs. He knew who it was, but he didn't want to look up. Merlin, this was so _embarrassing. _

A sigh met his ears as a hand wiggled its fingers in front of him. 'Need a hand?'

He grunted and ignored the hand, pushing himself off of the floor to meet Lily at eye level. To her eternal credit, she wasn't laughing, and her resolute straight face looked at him with nothing but patience. It made it even worse.

He stuck out the hand not clutching his chin, and she withdrew hers.

'I'm still waiting for that apology, Potter.' Her voice was cool and detached.

James chin was burning, but he refused to heal it until she'd given it back. If he apologised now, he'd look stupid _and _weak. He needed to save face in front of Evans – he couldn't afford to lose any more of it after his battle with the stairs. He'd play the sympathy card until she returned it.

'You're really going to do this? I'm bleeding all over the floor and you're just going to let me? I'm wounded Evans.'

She bit her lip and refused to meet his gaze as it bored into her. Ha! It was working.

'Do you want me to explain to McGonagall _how _I got this cut? You know she'll be on my side. I needed that for practice, and you, you evil, twisted girl, stole it from me, an innocent bystander! I wonder who'll get told off more…' He let his sentence hang as he watched her reaction. She was staring determinedly at the floor now. He allowed himself a small smile, before the pain of his chin reminded him what a bad idea it was. Still, she was going to be in his debt for _weeks _if he played his cards right.

'Look, Potter, I—'

Sirius, who was still howling with laughter, interrupted her. 'Don't – don't do it- ' He was wheezing as he stumbled across the room, still laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world to watch his best mate fall down a sleek stone slide. His hand reached out prop himself up against the wall as he doubled over. 'His- chinjury is- all his fault. Ha!'

James was frowning at the boy with black hair as somebody came down the opposite staircase. The frown deepened as Lily smiled in response to the boy's appearance.

Moony. He scowled as she walked over to him with a smile that reached her eyes.

Git.

'Lily?' It was almost funny to watch his face grow wary at her approach as he took in the scene – Sirius leaning heavily on the wall, James covered in blood, and Lily smiling brightly at the prefect. He took a step backwards as she approached. 'Err, what did you do to James?'

She flicked her hair over one shoulder as she glanced back towards the boy in glasses. 'Oh that? He climbed the stairs. I should probably fix him.'

Before James could protest, she'd whipped out her wand and was muttering various things. He felt the flow of blood still trickling down his neck slow, and then the curious sensation of his skin being stitched back together with magic. The tickling sensation wasn't uncomfortable, exactly, but it was definitely unsettling.

Lily shrugged unapologetically as the sensation dulled to a dim tingle. 'You'll probably scar, I'm not as good as the Hospital Wing.'

She turned back to Remus, shoving the snitch into his hand and folding his unwilling fingers over it. 'Here. You can look after this and- ' she jerked her head back to indicate James '-that. I'm going to the library.'

James watched her go with a smile, despite his 'chinjury'. She'd rejected him (again) and he'd ended up bleeding (again), but she'd also distracted him from his previous boredom.

Yeah, being around her was never boring, but there was no doubt about it. Lily Evans was a volatile woman.

That was ok though – everything healed with time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN A few things:**

**a) Sun! In England! Do I need to say another word about my procrastination? **

**b) The Queens Jubilee is this weekend, so this is for my beautiful monarch. **

**c) I never do disclaimers because (durr!) this is **_**fan**_**fiction. Obviously it's not original work – the clue is in the name.**

**d) I'm going to go to thirty chapters, I think. I have random one-shots floating around because I either couldn't be bothered to finish them / choose another chapter for that letter. So eight left **

**e) All of James' scars are actually my own – with some creative license thrown around. For example, I got whipped by a person, not a tree, and I exploded a chicken onto my neighbours house with firecrackers, not magic.**

**f) Angel of Music: Thanks! I have several ideas bouncing around for X but they're just that – ideas. Y is the bigger challenge imo. The alphabet is so hard! Also yay, you caught the AVPS! Starkid are fab.**

**g) I still talk too much. **

**Enjoy the sun everyone!**


	23. Wound Up

'You couldn't look more vacant if you tried, Potter.'

'I'm sorry, was I staring? I was distracted by your le-shorts. Your shorts. They're hideous.'

'My _shorts _are hideous?'

'Definitely. You should probably just take them off completely. Save yourself the embarrassment.'

'And you're sure that's a good idea.'

'Absolutely. Honesty is the best policy, and the naked truth doesn't wear hideous shorts. You'd be an inspiration. I'd join you.'

'Well, if you really think so… I'm sure Walter wouldn't mind either. Thanks for the advice, Potter.'

'Walter? Walter who?'

'Walter Dagworth.'

'What does _he _have to with anything?'

'He's taking me out tonight.'

'Like… like a date?'

'_Exactly _like a date. I knew you'd understand.'

'Since when did _Walter Dagworth _catch a girl like you?'

'I'm not a fish, Potter, nobody 'caught' me.'

'You know what I meant. How long has this been going on?'

'Not that it's any of your business, but there's been something between us for a while, but now I think I'd like there to be something more.'

'I'd like there to be something more between you too. Like a wall, perhaps? A wall or a very large ditch. Or both. I'm not fussy.'

'Funny, I was just the same about us.'

'Merlin, I just realized – you're going on a date dressed like _that? _Lily Evans, put some clothes on immediately! What's the matter with you? He's going to get the wrong idea!'

'You didn't mind a moment ago.'

'A moment ago you weren't flouncing around with Walter Dagworth. Honestly, what do you even _see _in him? He's nothing like you!'

'Haven't you ever heard of the phrase opposites attract? Bearing that in mind, I sincerely hope you find someone attractive, intelligent and funny one day.'

'You're dating Walter because he's an idiot? Evans, that's not very clever of you.'

'And yet I look down at my list of clever things _you've _done and find it startlingly empty. Pot, this is Kettle. You're black.'

'At least I have a list of _people _I've done. How many boyfriends have _you _had?'

'You're disgusting.'

'Just answer the question.'

'… Fine. Three.'

'Care to make that four?'

'What an excellent suggestion. I think I'll go ask Walter right now.'

'I meant _me, _Evans.'

'Pity.'

'I'm serious. Ditch the deadweight. Go with me.'

'Brilliant tactics there, Potter. Insult a girl, brag about how many _other _girls you have, then ask her out. I'm swooning, honestly. Why haven't you learnt yet? The answer is no. The answer is _always _no. Next time just save your breath – you can use it to blow up your date later.'

'We would have fun together.'

'I want to have fun with Walter, thanks.'

'Then why are you still here with me?'

'What, now you _want _me to go? Make up your mind.'

'No, you can stay, but those shorts still have to go.'

'Potter, I swear I am _this _close to cursing you into—'

'Err. Bye then Evans! Have _fun _on your date.'

* * *

><p>'Oops, sorry Emma, didn't see you there.'<p>

'I'm surprised you can see at all! If you were frowning any deeper it would be a world record. Has something happened, or are you still mad at me for Charms?'

'What? Charms? No, I'd forgotten about that. I'm just … a little _irritated _right now.'

'Potter?'

'How did you guess? Eurgh! He's such an enormous _wanker.'_

'He's nice when you get to know him.'

'Pfft. You mean he's an arse but you get used to it.'

'No, he's genuinely nice. He offered to help me with my transfiguration just because he can.'

'He's sucking up to you.'

'He's winding _you_ up on purpose to ruin your date – it's quite clever actually.'

'Potter? Clever? Yeah, right.'

'What, so you mean that you _won't _be too angry to enjoy your date? Or while Walter's holding your hand you _won't _be thinking about James?'

'I'd only be thinking about what a prat he is!'

'Prat or not, he knows how to get under your skin. And, well, you can't really blame him for trying. It's almost sweet.'

'It isn't sweet! It's moronic!'

'Ha! I can see Walter's going to have a _great_ day.'

'Oh, _shit. _Walter! I completely forgot! He's going to think I'm an _idiot_. I hope he hasn't gone already.'

'I think I know where to find a replacement if he has.'

'I'll get _you _for that later. How do I look? Am I red?'

'You look stunning, as always. Those shorts make your legs look amazing!'

'I. Am. Going. To. _Kill. _Potter. These shorts are completely tainted. Argh! Wish me luck? I'm going to need it to stay calm.'

'Good luck Lily! I'll see you later.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry it took a while – it was my birthday this week! Fiesta! Anyway hope you were able to follow the dialogue okay – I'm just messing around with styles or whatever. Have a great day!**

**Edit: Happy Birthday Jackie too! (JackieMooneyLestrange) Thank-you for always making my day, I hope it was a good one!**


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